DEATH AND BEYOND

When can you speak these words of heartache then? Who will understand and help? This is what prayer is all about. God understands what the words and tears are all about and He loves you. He knows the unutterable loneliness and perhaps recriminations, when it seems as if the heart will break. Others around may change. Others may disappear slowly after several excuses of being too busy to come over. God will not reject you. You cannot weary Him, and He never sleeps. He will not change and will always be there for you. His promises are just the same on a sunny day as when the clouds seem dark and thick in your life. ‘Jesus Christ, the same yesterday and today and forever.’

‘Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you.’
‘Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted.’

CHAPTER 5

Grief is not a disease. Grief is healthy. These may seem like strange statements but they are true. Today we live in a society that takes a pill for instant relief, pills for indigestion, pills when you cannot sleep, pills when you have a headache and pills when you are under stress. Other people feel that if you have health problems then you need a holiday.

Grief is regarded in the same way. People say you need to see a doctor if you continue to cry and are not strong.

Others suggest that you go to stay with family or have a holiday. They suggest that you do not have to stay where you are unhappy and hint that a holiday will perhaps help you get over it. Others try to clear away all reminders of your loved ones to make things easier for you. After the funeral, the family may try to take you home with them. Any of these measures only prolongs the process of grief. Grief happens to us all at some time and has to be gone through. Grief is a process, not an illness. Society constantly expresses its desire for happiness. It is difficult for people to cope when someone is unhappy. If we do not live through grief at the time, it will catch up with us later. Grieving is so natural that it will continue to show itself until it is coped with. It is like a sorrowful tunnel, but there is daylight at the other end. This may not seem likely but this feeling is natural. Just learn to cope healthily with where you are now in that tunnel.

We all go through the process of grief in our own way. It is a totally individual experience. Well-meaning friends often say, ‘You should have stopped crying by now,’ or ‘It’s time you were managing independently.’ They often point to someone else who went straight back to work, or even mention someone who has remarried and is getting on with life, or another person who is now in charge of a drop-in group for lonely people. For you, the tears are still hot and bitter. Secretly you wonder if you are losing your mind or if it is possible for life ever to stop being confused.

Here are some healthy and natural ways of coping with your loss.
These often emerge from people you meet who have already lost a loved one. Agree with them that just once a week you would like to tell them your experiences. Invite one or another for a simple snack. They may have things they want to share with you.

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