DEATH AND BEYOND

Souls and spirits
in the Old Testament

Collect a few people around you and then a single friend will not be exhausted by your sorrow. You need to build a new community about you, so take risks in making friends. Go shopping together. Take a bus trip to a new place for you. This will require an effort but it is worthwhile.

• Do not run away from your grief. It is possible to keep so busy that you do not let your mind and body come to terms with its unhappiness. You cannot keep a plug in it forever.

If you try to suppress your grief, it is now thought that certain physical problems, arising from poor immune system functioning, may later take the place of the tears that should have been allowed to flow.

• Do not try to clear out all your loved one’s belongings too quickly. It may be that in six months’ time you would like to have seen her old gardening coat again and to handle it lovingly. There may be a time when you want to take his pyjamas to bed with you to cuddle secretly.

• What about the tears? Tears are the body’s way of coping with sadness. It has been said that the tears of sadness are laden with toxins from the bodily reactions of grief. If the tears are allowed to flow, the benefits are great, as those toxins may be very damaging if they remain dammed up inside. You do not always have to show someone those tears; they may not always be for any particular reason but they just well up inside you. In this case, find a secret place and let them come for a few minutes. Do not always try to associate them with a reason; it is often just the body’s sadness. To cry with someone else means you have to try and find an explanation for them. That explanation may not be the true one.
• It is worth keeping a diary of your grief. You can tell your diary all your secrets, your regrets, your fears, your inadequacies and your anger towards events or people. Just putting your feelings and experiences into words serves to divert your grief away from your mind and body. When you come to read the entries back at some time in the future, it is possible sometimes to see that you have moved on, even though you had not realised it.
• During grief or loss, you are considered to have a ‘sad body’ physically. This means that you are more vulnerable and need to look after yourself well. Even if you do not feel like it, try to have a brisk walk, make sure you have fresh fruit and vegetables, and possibly even talk to your pharmacist about taking a multi-vitamin tablet if you know you are not eating well. It is possible that, during the first year, you will have more colds or infections. This is quite common and just part of the tunnel of sadness.