DEATH AND BEYOND

and splash with cold to finish, then gently rubbing in some moisturising cream, and the physical effects of weeping will be lessened. This is good for both men and women. Don’t close the door on the pain. Without the pain, there will be no true healing. To push it down time and again is to court problems for later in life. Grief cannot be avoided; it is natural, but sometimes we need help to come through it and realise where we are making mistakes. It is not a weakness to ask for help. Many lives and relationships have been spoiled because grief has not been coped with in the right way.

To have a good supportive friend in grief is a good thing.Now that you understand more about death, be sure that your comfort is true comfort, the kind that is found in the Word of God. False comfort that is not according to the Word of God is not true comfort. It will distort your grief so that you do not cope with it as God intended.

‘Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted.’

CHAPTER 7

As the pain begins to lessen, there comes a very difficult period in grieving and, sometimes, one we are not prepared for. Life begins to see-saw in a strange way. One minute life seems reasonably normal but then a wave of tears comes. Shortly after there is laughter at something amusing, followed by guilt at enjoying oneself.

And after all of this, a sense of utter exhaustion. There can be a wide variety of emotions, even in a single day. It hurts and puzzles you, and bewilders those who are with you. But it is natural. All parts of you are making adjustments. The sadness of your body is fading and normal living is beginning to return, but you are mentally reluctant to let this happen. These are peculiar times to live through. It can also be a time of doldrums in your grief. There seems to be no real movement forwards in any way. It is just like marking time. The jobs are there to be done but there is no energy to do them. Even little jobs need too much effort and motivation, and now there are big tasks demanding attention too.

There are still important decisions that have to be made, maybe about the finance and the property.

This is not the time to do it, unless essential and then enlist the help of a trusted advisor. Do not get impatient with yourself. The healing is just beginning, and it will happen. If possible, wait just a while longer. One day you will suddenly realise that you are surfacing again. And this is not something to feel guilty about. That will be the time to make a start on those major things that have to be done. For the moment just try to concentrate on the little jobs to be done and keep to your routines.
Break life into small segments and deal with one at a time as well as you can; then allow yourself to rest mentally. Do something physical, if possible, each day, as this is helpful. Growing something is such a help. There may be days when you feel you cannot do anything or maybe you have made a mistake or misjudged something? You have not failed. Remember that all of you has just been through the hardest

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