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If you admit that time is passing and begin to move on, the memories that you have will be brighter and less tearful. You will see the love that the relationship brought to your life and how it helped shape your personality and experience. Gradually gratitude and appreciation will take the place of sorrow. Deep affection and love will remain. You will be able to say that you are actually feeling more like your old self again. It does happen and this is the time to make the major plans in your life. There is one problem that can occur at this time and that is your close family! Until now they have tried to help, maybe even controlling your life, doing what they see as the |
| best for you, but now you are back in the driving seat. You may wish to move, sell the house, even re-marry. Family often cannot understand this fully. They are still coping with their loss and changes in their different ways. They may view a new friendship as being disloyal or even ‘dirty’ or disrespectful in some way. Give them time and remember the stages of grief that you have just come through. There are other pitfalls at this time too. Sometimes there may be a feeling of need to ‘regain’ the time that has been ‘lost’ during bereavement. This can lead to doing some things that are quite out of character |
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| and beyond normal common-sense. I heard of a lady of 75 who had been widowed for two years. She felt that valuable time in her life had been lost in those two years and she still had things she could do with her life. She booked a bungee jump! Fortunately friends told her of the possible health risks and sponsored her not to do it. |
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The optimum way to live now is to build a new set of friends around you and reach out to others. The chances are they will not be couples, but others like you. This is a chance to develop new interests and accept opportunities as they come to you. In this way, you will continue to have friends and memories that will keep your personality intact.
The keenness of the pain will heal, but no-one will ever fill the gap that has been left in your heart. |
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That will always be special and unique to you. Do not try to duplicate what you have lost. Some people for instance have another child and call it by the same name, but this means they are still stuck in the original bereavement experience. We have to move on and live life with new experiences.
In the meantime the one you loved is sleeping in the grave, deeply, totally unaware of the affairs of the world and unconscious of the passing of time, the bad days you have or the tears you have shed. Your loved one is not involved in the changes that are coming to you. He or she is not guiding you in the choice of a new place to live or new friends and will not be jealous or disappointed if you marry again. Your guidance comes from God for the things you do, with the Holy Spirit continuing to |
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lead you to bring you tothe place where you will make God your only friend while you wait with anticipation for the Blessed Hope. |
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‘Behold I make all things new.’ |
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